Color of My Voice

On an average day, we have about 70,000 thoughts. A staggering 4,000 books are published daily. The World Wide Web is growing a billion pages per day. There are over one billion Facebook posts and 2.7 billion likes/comments per day. 294 billion emails are sent, 864,000 hours of videos is uploaded to YouTube and 2 million blog posts are written daily.

And today, I contribute one blog post to the world. One in the 2 million posts. I wonder what kind of value I add to the world. How insignificant it might be. I wonder why F5bulous sisters even bother to start this blog site. Why are we even adding our voices in a world where everybody can’t stop talking?

My voice is not sharp, nor blur. 

I am not even a proficient and efficient writer to begin with. I write like I am swimming laps in an Olympic-size pool. I never learn properly how to swim, my strokes are clumsy, and I have to stop to take my breath every three metres. It takes me hours to reach the other side with tremendous effort, and then realizing I have to swim back in the opposite direction. And most of the time, I end up where I start.

 Despite this, what I worry greatly is what I want to write about. What if I cannot find my voice? What if I cannot find something I can stand for? I do not want to be a copy of others. No matter how much I like Anthony Robbins, Paulo Coelho and Abraham Hicks, I do not want to be them. I want to be ME. And I want to be more than just the look; although I am thankful to be bestowed with some physical appeals but I am certainly not a bimbo. (FlamboyantG used to overstate that I am a danger to both men and women. I wish!)

So, I often stare at a blank page in my computer. Do I want to write about the male species, the fire and spice in my life? Do I want to write about spirituality, femininity or just my mortal experience? Do I want to write about my corporate life, my love life or the fact that I don’t seem to have a life? Do I want to expose my multi-faceted, multi-layered, eccentric personality without sounding insane?

My voice is not black or white, nor truth or lie.

I have been through a lot in life (up, down, broken, fallen, inane). Sure, I can offer some advices, maybe write some posts like the 10 ways not to get dumped, 20 not to get cheated, 50 ways to heal your heart, and 9 ways to get promotion in your jobs. After all, I have been dumped, got cheated, healed my heart, and got promoted many times. However, I am not inclined towards giving advice or tips. Not because I am stingy and reticent. I just feel I am in no place to offer any advices. Things that I have done, they have either worked for me or NOT. They may work for me, but not for you. They may work at certain times and circumstances, but not all the times and scenarios. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, as the saying goes. My own personal belief is this – No one really knows how it works in life at all times. Some just pretend to know better. Listen to gather perspectives but do not believe blindly. 

So, don’t believe what I am telling you here. I am not lying, and I swear I will try to be 100% open and honest except if that really hurts someone. But what I am saying is what I am telling you are through my lenses of how I view the world. It is going to be filtered and distorted. So, if I say a guy is very cruel, the next thing you’ll see is he is guiding a blind old lady across the street. Beware though he might be kicking her off when no one is watching. When I extol someone, she might just be average on your scale.

And the more I learn, the more I find I know nothing, as Socrates put it.

My voice is not bending, nor straight. 

I do not want to be led by the nose. I do not want to be coerced, controlled and cajoled. I am the oak that want to challenge the wind. I am the rebel who wants to challenge the conventions. I want to have lots of love, fun and hot sex. I want to be who I want to be, even at times when I do not know who I want to be. But I’ll try.

I hope you would like to know me better. If there is nothing else I can offer, I offer you my stories, sincerity and passion.

If while you are reading my post and there is one thought, just one thought that you are receiving from me and it makes you a little more enlightened, enlivened, empowered or just entertained or aroused, then I am successful among the 2 million posts.

I think that’s what I want to achieve for F5bulous.

 ** Please note the statistic is not from the latest source. 
Image Credit: Infinity by Max von Wening


Notes: I am also blogging at http://www.f5bulous.com or http://f5bulous.wordpress.com
This is also posted under http://f5bulous.wordpress.com/2012/12/31/the-colour-of-my-voice/ 

My Profile

I recently came across this wonderful site, Brazen Careerist , a network for young and vibrant bloggers who have the following tag line:

A Brazen Careerist knows that defining your own career, finding the right field, and pursuing it are key ingredients to a fulfilling life. Like the tag line suggests, when you define your career on your own terms first, you control your life.

Great and sound like what I am doing, I thought to myself. After reading through some postings and enjoying them, I decided to join the Brazen Careerist Network (***I am really getting more serious in writing***).

In no less than a week, Ryan Paugh, a community relations coordinator for Brazen Careerist and also a co-founder wrote to me. He said he recently checked out my blog and is very impressed. He thinks I would make an excellent addition to the community. ( Clap Clap Clap!!!)

Then, came the part where he inquired about my age. He explained that the community consists of twentysomething professionals. Because they are trying to keep that niche, they only allow twentysomethings into the community.

Oops, I did not know that is the one of the criteria to join the community. It makes me feel very old. It is not Ryan's fault anyway because I always feel old. Anyway, I just turned 29 this year. I am not sure whether I can still consider myself a "twentysomething". I still remembered an episode in Ally Mcbeal where she said turning 30 is “worse than death”. I got to like Ally Mcbeal show because I kind of connected to her in a very weird and age phobic way. I do not know why I understand the age-phobia thingy back then when I was still in my "early twenties". But I think most of the Brazen Careerists would not understand that. Also, I doubt they have watched Ally Mcbeal before (not really in their era).

The website did say it is an online career center aimed at Generation Y . Call me stupid but I just got to know from wiki that Gen Y are individuals born from 1983 to 1997. So, that does not include me, sadly. Anyway, since it is "aiming" at Gen Y and not really "originating" from Gen Y, I guess I may still stand a chance to become part of the writers community. Or, I am consoling myself and trying to numb the sadness of approaching thirties. Or, maybe I should just start a new community for thirtysomething people.

Anyway, I decided to give it a try and wrote a reply to Ryan. Since he also said he would like to hear more about myself and ask me to share anything I like, I took the opportunity to write my profile. I hope to sell myself a bit there (***see, I am really getting more serious in writing***) . I also updated my profile in this blog. It is a bit different from the profile I sent to Ryan because this blog only allow up to 1200 characters so I have to amend it. A bit stupid but I am still grateful to this blogging tool anyway.

Oh, by the way, I cannot help to highlight all the age-specific details in this posting. But please do not be afraid, I welcome people from all age to comment in my blog. Gen X, Gen XXX, Gen Y , Gen Z or even people with no gen are truly welcomed.

Anyway, here is my reply to Ryan.

Hi Ryan,

I just turned 29 on April this year. I hope I am still qualified to join Brazen Careerist. I am very impressed by the articles and bloggers in Brazen Careerist community. It will do me proud to be part of the team too.

I think I have a lot of things to offer to the readers in career, life, personal development and relationship. Let me put in it a more dramatic way about me. I have gone through hell to find heaven. That is also a statement I started with in the current book I am authoring. The book is about relationship and I expect it to be published in a year from now.

In career, I have much to share. I started my career as a programmer and I managed to climb the ladder and become an IT Manager within 6 years. Thus, I have almost 3 years of management experience now.

Surprisingly, my biggest change in life happened within the recent 6 months. In the span of 3 months since November last year, I gave up my job at the local IT firm and my relationship with my boyfriend, both which wear out 6 years of my life.

Finally, I decided I had enough of the 9-5 job, the off-balance and unorganized life, dealing with office politics and hypocrites as well as living my life struggling to make ends meet. So, I quitted my most recent job and remain employed for almost 3 months now. I am going to start my own business in IT very soon. At the same time, I am also looking to start my career as a writer, expanding myself from being just a blogger. I am also fed up with mixing with the wrong crowds who are negative and do not have the right mindsets to be successful in life. So, I also have major changes in friendship and most importantly, my mindsets and habits.

I am embarking on a new journey to chase my dreams, so to speak. But the greatest thing of all, I already found my greatest dream – love. I am planning to start my family soon with a man who taught me about unconditional love and who has changed my life forever. He is also my ex-boss in my last company, my mentor as well as my walking dictionary and wikipedia. He is the smartest and craziest person I ever see in my life.

With enough said, I really think I have a lot of things to offer to the fellow readers. It is also a path that I passionately and relentlessly pursue.

Who moved my cheese

I recalled back the slide I had on "Who moved my Cheese?" . I used to share this with my team last time , I think around 1 year ago.

It is good to read back and try to remember what was being taught here.

1. Change Happens
2. Anticipate Change
3. Monitor Change
4. Adapt to Change Quickly
5. Change
6. Enjoy Change !
   
7. Be Ready to Change Quickly and Enjoy it Again.
   

I felt this past few months, there have been so much changes for me that it makes me feel scary of what is lying ahead of me. But, I learnt that there is one 5-letter word that is the most powerful word in life, that is, FAITH.

Have faith in yourself and others!

and

Points of Ponder:

• We always have people in the organization that act like Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw . Who do you act like?

Sniff – Sniff out the situation and see the change early
Scurry – go into Action immediately
Hem – wanted to stay in familiar territory and do not want to change
Haw – laugh at oneself, change and do better.

• Do not be afraid of Change

• Change is happening everywhere and that we will do better when we can adjust to it quickly

Great Resignation Letter

I cannot believe I stumbled upon this interesting resignation letter. Not that I am really searching for how to write a resignation letter. But I was reading some posts about some crazy bosses.

Here is it....

Frequently, when people in high places resign their positions, we are told, innocuously, they are leaving “to pursue other interests.” But, as people realize, this worn cliché is often nothing more than a thin veil of political correctness draped over irreconcilable differences with a superior. In each case where this is so I’m sure a scathing tell-all could be written, recounting the teeth-gnashing experience and lip-biting toleration of these differences, were it not for a desire to just put it all behind and get on with life. Instead, people in such circumstances will take what solace they can from their faith that the mind’s eye of the public sees through this veil the reality of a superior and subordinate who are not merely poles apart but from different universes. In this spirit, I am writing to advise you of my resignation from the Company, effective two weeks from today, in order to pursue other interests.

My boss told me before 99% of the reason people are leaving are due to their immediate boss. One funny guy said, half of your salary is paying you to do your job. The other half is for you to survive your boss kicking , idiocy and craziness.

I wonder how many people in my team left because of me. :)

When to Quit

The small book start with a quote.

Winner never quit, quitter never win - Vince Lambardi

Not totally right. Winner does quit. All the time. The smartest quitters are those who never begin if they know they are not going to be the best.

It’s time to quit when you secretly realize you’ve been settling for mediocrity all along. It’s time to quit when the things you’re measuring aren’t improving, and you can’t find anything better to measure.

This book is NOT about quitting. It is about how to identify whether you need to quit or to stick. Whether it is a dip where you have chance to move to be the best. Or a dead-end or cliff, where you either are stuck forever or you fall off. Only you can decide for yourself. And this book is the guidelines.

Reasons When to Quit:

1. Out of Money
   - If you do not have the money to start a business and able to stand hardship (recession, etc.) . Don't do that.
   
   
2. Out of Time
   - You only have 24 hours a day and you need enough sleep and time to relax. This is to maintain your health and for you to go on doing greater things. Do not try to stuff more into your packed schedule if you cannot take on more.
   
   
3. You are getting scared
   - You feel threaten and no secured. Just like your bully husband who came back drunk and hit you once in a while. You live in fear whether you will get hit again. Quit before it is too late.
   
   
4. You are getting not serious
   - When you are fooling around. You can fool everyone but yourself.
   
   
5. Lost interest or enthusiasm and settle for being mediocre
   - If you are not the best, quit! Never settle for mediocrity. Never stick just because of pride.
   
   
6. Focus on short term
   - You cannot envision what is the future. You cannot plan ahead.
   
   
7. Pick up the wrong thing. You absolutely have no talent.
   - You definitely do not have talents for all the things. Pick the one you have talent in. For e.g. if you need to study very hard to get a good mark in Maths, whereas you know a person who did not study but get a good mark too - that is a signal for you not to become a mathematician.
   
   Also,
8. When the dip isn't worth the reward at the end.
9. When you hit the dead-end (cul-de-sac)- something not going to get better or too high- Just like you are walking over to the cliff. You will fall off if you are not careful.
   

Reasons to Stick:

1. Never quit a long term potential just because you can't deal with the stress at the moment.
2. Study showed sales person usually quit at the 5th attempt. 80% of the customers buy at 7th attempt.
3. You should quit product/feature/design but you should not quit strategy/niche.
4. Persistent people visualize the idea of light at the end of the tunnel.
5. Do not quit when it is painful.

3 Questions to ask before quiting:

1. Am I panicking?
2. Who am I trying to influence?
3. What sort of measurable progress I am making?

The author also said - the time to look for new job is when you don't need one. The time to switch job is before it feels comfortable.

More information on the book:

http://www.squidoo.com/theDipBook/
http://blog.guykawasaki.com/2007/04/the_big_dip_ten.html

Note: This is just a very small book. You can finish it within 3 hours. So, I recommend you either buy it to lend to friends or you borrow from your friends. :). Or you can do it like me - read in Borders while having a nice coffee.

I think this book lost some of it flows. Like the author is trying to tell us something , but do not know how to organize the information to put all the messages across. Well, I began reading the book, hoping to get an answer few months ago (on whether to quit or stick) . I did NOT get one. But, I always want to come back to this book and ponder more. I also understand more and I will be more careful next time when starting new things so I will not need to ponder whether I need to quit (or not).

But I recently decided to quit and start something new. Never in many years, have I wanted to quit with such certainty and passion that made me dream about it several nights and long for the new things that may be waiting for me. But I am still waiting . Waiting for an answer. The answer will seal my fate. And I am praying hard.

Tips for Better Writing

Today, I was preparing the review forms for the team. I was writing based on the input from them. What they have achieved for the first half year of 2007.

However, I was not too excited to see most people are not writing very well for their own reviews. I hope they do not write their resume in the same manner. :)

So, I have to send these tips to them and try to reinforce the importance of good writings. I learned these from different sources and I have seen its effectiveness in communication.

Happy reading.....

1. Use active instead of passive voice.

Old: Expectations for the new module have been achieved.
Improved: Have achieved the expectations for the new module.

2. Use short sentences. (Break long sentences into shorter one. Usually, a sentence should not have any comma).

Old: We encountered a minor defect in the library, which caused the PO to be rejected by the system.
Improved: We encountered a minor defect in the library. This caused the PO to be rejected by the system.

3. Put the most important point first . NO STORY WRITING (except if you are really writing a story book)

Old: I have a meeting with management last Tuesday. We run through issues that we think have impact on the company cost. The things we can do are to reduce the printing and also make sure we switch off everything when we leave the office. Most importantly, we need to flush the toilet more infrequently to reduce the water bills. (this is fake story, obviously ....hehe)

Improved: We need to start FLUSHING the toilet more infrequently now. We brought up this during the recent management meeting. Objective is to save cost. We also need to reduce the printing and make sure we switch off everything when we leave the office.

4. Focus on your accomplishments in your appraisal form (or even resume). You can include your behaviours that caused it also but put ur accomplishment first.

Old: The challenges of this task is the complexities of the requirements. -> this is not an accomplishments . It is just a statement.:)
Improved: Overcame challenge of the complexities of the requirements.

Old: Have been able to meet deadlines -> You are saying you have been able to meet the deadlines, but may not actually met the deadline..a bit catchy here. Thus is not an accomplishment, more like you are saying you are capable of something. See the next tip.
Improved: Have met the deadlines for this project.

Old: Have worked hard, communicated with different parties, provided updates to management and team to deliver the project on time. -> Focus on the result first and be more specific . Working hard is actually not a specific behavior.
Improved: Have delivered the project on time by working 12 hours a day for the past 3 months, communicated with different parties, provided weekly updates to management and teams.

5. Avoid redundancy

Old: (you are sending an email or letter) I am writing to thank you for your help last weekend. -> Everyone know you are writing, else we wont be able to see it. So it is redundant.
Old: I would like to thank you for your help last weekend -> I would like only, but i am not actually thanking you. !!!!! See that?

Improved: Thank you for your help last weekend.

Old: I am writing to tell you that my cat had died yesterday and I am very sad. -> double redundancy - yes, you are writing and you are telling me something!!!!!
Improved: My cat had died yesterday and I am very sad.

Imagine this, I am calling the candidate up to offer her a job.

Me: I would like to offer you the job.
Candidate: Oh, thank you!! (very happy)

The next day, I call the candidate again.

Me: I think I am not going to offer you the job. I have a better candidate.
Candidate: But you said you offered me the job yesterday.
Me: I said I would like only , but I am not actually offering you a job yesterday.
Candidate: (Speechless)!!!!!

Sensitivity

Do you often cry in the movies?
If you accidentally found out a colleague is crying, will you approach her and ask her what happens and whether you can help?
When you talk or do things to others, will you always think what the other person will react or feel first?
Will you stop by and offer your help when you notice someone looks kind of lost even though you rushing off to somewhere, maybe to work?
Will you make yourself a fool just to make other person feel better (or brilliant)?

Each one of us has different sensitivities to things due to different upbringing, habit and experiences in life. But being able to stand from other people point of view, able to empathize will definitely make this world a better place to live in.

Here are some principles from a fantastic book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I think I have bought more copies of this book as gifts more than any other books ever.

Don't criticise, condemn or complain.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Become genuinely interested in other people.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Talk in terms of other person's interest.
Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Show respect for the other person's opinions . Never say, 'You're wrong'.
If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
Try honestly to see things from the other's point of view.
Be sympathetic with other person's idea and desires.
Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
Let the other person save face.
Give the other person a fine reputation to live up with.

IN ESSENCE, BE SENSITIVE TO OTHERS.

This is something that we all need to learn and I found a lot of people including myself are still poor at this.

Mimosa Pudica is a very sensitive plant.

Here are some real life bad examples (some mistakes was mine) and how we should act differently: (I may change the conversation a bit to protect privacy or I just merely forgotten exactly what were being said)

I hope to declare this. I am no expert in this field, and I am slowly learning. So my observations and suggestions may not be correct. Any comments or corrections are very welcomed.

---

Discussing about a colleague…..

Boss A: Well, this person does not know the product well and is a bit slow on learning. I had to explain more than twice to her at one time on something.

Employee B: Oh, I learnt something on this. Sometimes, in this situation, it may be the way we communicate our message to others which is not effective, rather than the person receiving the message are the one who has problem.

B hit right on the point. Plus A should not have made such conclusions and talk bad about a person. Totally not right. In this case, we found that, at many times, the younger or less experienced has more to teach to the older and more experienced person.

---

Employee A: I do not think we should do this. (Feel that what his boss did is wrong)

Boss B: (in anger, with voice slightly raise). This is supposed to be your job. I am doing it because you are not doing it.

A had made the mistake to challenge openly what his boss did to him. B, on the other hand, reacted negatively by openly and directly criticized A. Both need to improve. What if the same thing can be said in different ways?

Employee A: (in a non-challenging tone) Will there be a better way to do this?
Boss B: (is a calm voice) Currently, this is the only way I can think of. If you can think of a better way, we can switch to that. Also, I will be happy to let you take control of this when you are ready. This is actually part of your responsibilities. But I understand that you are overloaded, so I am just helping out.

---

Friend A: You have read my blog?
Friend B: Oh, your blog. You said something like one of the book is the greatest business book ever. How can you say something like that? You read all the business books?
Friend A: (instantly felt the splash of cold water, and started to get defensive) What I wrote is what I felt. Maybe I did not say it clearly - it is just what I felt and may not be a fact. Anyway, I got the same opinion from some people also. Also, it is best in a particular year, not the lifetime.

Why would B want to start his comment with criticism? A may be wrong, but isn't it what blog is - a place for one to write out one's thought. What B brought out is a valid point, although he should have said it differently. Perhaps he should say something good first before he said that. Of course, not meaning to flatter A. B has to mean what he says. It just that if B really feel what he said is a piece of good advice, he should deliver it in a non-criticizing way so that A see his points and did not get hurt also. That is the objectives, right? Give advice without splashing cold water to people face. On the other hand, A should be less defensive and keep the communication open.

Friend B: Oh, your blog. I like the part where you talk about the . But, I found one small thing that I would like to just share with you. You talk about a book that is like the best business book ever. Hard to agree with you on that, cause I do find other great business books that may be better than that book.

Friend A: Oh, that is what I felt only. You are right though. I should not have say something like that in the blog, may be a bit misleading. (grinning). Oh, what are the other books that you find is better? I am definitely interested to read that. Maybe after that we can debate which is the best? (still grinning ) (keep the communication flowing and opportunities to continue to share things)

---

Employee A: We do not know what caused the slowness yet. We are still finding out and at the same time, we are fine-tuning the application.

Boss B: There is no use to continue to fine-tune the application because it just cause the performance to improve slightly only. By right, we need to change the architecture by making the changes XXX like what we discussed last time.

First, there is absolutely no proof that changing XXX can make a huge difference also. And there are absolutely many good reasons why change XXX cannot be done last time until now.
Why would B dismiss all other possibilities and make a conclusion that is not really supported by any data. It is like seeing a crack on the wall and straight away said the wall structure is not good because that is the only thing we see – the wall. There are many other things supporting the wall or behind the wall that we may not see but can be the root problem.
When someone says to you, there is no use to do something, but you know you need to still do it – will it be demotivating? Like you are doing something so useless you might as well go and clean the toilets or do nothing at all. Small improvements do make some differences.

Boss B: Yes, we should continue to fine-tune the application. Little improvements count. Anyhow, we also cannot forget to find out the real culprit to this slowness. This may be a huge improvement. But I know this is hard, so we just need to work on this more often. We have made good progress so far. Oh, there is also a change I remember that can potentially bring improvement but we hit some problems last time – XXX. You may need to explore this. If changing this make huge difference in performance, I think it is logical to do that.

---

It seems like the reviewed conversation are much more longer. I guess, I think I have a lot to learn how to simplify things. Maybe that's why a lot of people will say something short but misleading or hurting to others - because it is shorter and easy to just blurt out without thinking.

But the point is to explain ourselves clearly so that our messages is understood and will not to hurt others.

Are You a Hedgehog or a Fox?

An interesting concept..........

The fox is a cunning creature, able to devise a myriad of complex strategies for sneak attacks upon the hedgehog. Day in and day out, the fox circles around the hedgehog's den, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. Fast, sleek, beautiful, fleet of foot, and crafty-the fox looks like the sure winner. The hedgehog, on the other hand, is a dowdier creature, looking like a genetic mix-up between a porcupine and a small armadillo. He waddles along, going about his simple day, searching for lunch and taking care of his home.

The fox waits in cunning silence at the juncture in the trail. The hedgehog, minding his own business, wanders right into the path of the fox. "Aha, I've got you now!" thinks the fox. He leaps out, bounding across the ground, lightning fast. The little hedgehog, sensing danger, looks up and thinks, "Here we go again. Will he ever learn?" Rolling up into a perfect little ball, the hedgehog becomes a sphere of sharp spikes, pointing outward in all directions. The fox, bounding toward his prey, sees the hedgehog defense and calls off the attack. Retreating back to the forest, the fox begins to calculate a new line of attack. Each day, some version of this battle between the hedgehog and the fox takes place, and despite the greater cunning of the fox, the hedgehog always wins.

Berlin extrapolated from this little parable to divide people into two basic groups: foxes and hedgehogs. Foxes pursue many ends at the same time and see the world in all its complexity. They are "scattered or diffused, moving on many levels," says Berlin, never integrating their thinking into one overall concept or unifying vision. Hedgehogs, on the other hand, simplify a complex world into a single organizing idea, a basic principle or concept that unifies and guides everything. It doesn't matter how complex the world, a hedgehog reduces all challenges and dilemmas to simple-indeed almost simplistic-hedgehog ideas. For a hedgehog, anything that does not somehow relate to the hedgehog idea holds no relevance.

Princeton professor Marvin Bressler pointed out the power of the hedgehog during one of our long conversations: "You want to know what separates those who make the biggest impact from all the others who are just as smart? They're hedgehogs." Freud and the unconscious, Darwin and natural selection, Marx and class struggle, Einstein and relativity, Adam Smith and division of labor-they were all hedgehogs. They took a complex world and simplified it. "Those who leave the biggest footprints," said Bressler, "have thousands calling after them, 'Good idea, but you went too far!' "

To be clear, hedgehogs are not stupid. Quite the contrary. They understand that the essence of profound insight is simplicity. What could be more simple than e = mc2? What could be simpler than the idea of the unconscious, organized into an id, ego, and superego? What could be more elegant than Adam Smith's pin factory and "invisible hand?" No, the hedgehogs aren't simpletons; they have a piercing insight that allows them to see through complexity and discern underlying patterns. Hedgehogs see what is essential, and ignore the rest.

What does all this talk about hedgehogs and foxes have to do with good to great? Everything.

Those who built the good-to-great companies were, to one degree or another, hedgehogs. They used their hedgehog nature to drive toward what we came to call a Hedgehog Concept for their companies. Those who led the comparison companies tended to be foxes, never gaining the clarifying advantage of a Hedgehog Concept, being instead scattered, diffused, and inconsistent.

Excerpts from Good to Great, by Jim Collins

Power of Principles

A powerful story about principle......

Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.

Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."

"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.

Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that ship.

The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."

Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."

The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."

"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."

"By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."

Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse."

We changed course.

(Contributed by Dan Bell in Reader Digest)

When we are in the midst of storms in our life, we can choose to battle it with our strength and go against the principles and laws of nature. Yet, principles and laws of nature are lighthouses that stand firm and never fail. We can go against it or stand by it.

The lighthouse is like a principle. Principles are immovable; they are timeless and universal. They do not change. They are no respecters of age, race, creed, gender, or status - everyone is equally subject to them. Like the lighthouse, principles provide permanent markers against which people can set their direction in times of both storm and calm, darkness and light.

Photo courtesy of http://www.sxc.hu

Tuesday with Morrie

Start by asking yourself these questions.

Have you found someone to share your heart with?
Are you giving to your community?
Are you at peace with yourself?
Are you trying to be as human as you can be?

That's what Morrie would have ask you when you have chance to meet him. But the truth is, you won't have chance to see him because he had passed away. The book "Tuesday with Morrie" was about his last journey on earth where he shared his experience with a wonderful writer, Mitch Albom.

Coincidentally, I blogged about death quite a lot lately. Especially on my post What if there is no second chance? , I really feel like I have not been living my life quite meaningfully. My best friend just told me few days ago that I did not seem to enjoy life now. Her observant brother told her (which she would relate to me later) despite my calm exterior, I had many troubles. She said she like the old me lot better.

Denial was my first response. I said I did enjoy my life, especially with seeing friends, long karaoke hours on last few weekends and with my recent reading habit. But after I contemplated more, I have to agreed with my friend.

I could not quite pinpoint how I become what she think I become. There was the huge responsibilities at work. There were the hunger for growth and getting ahead. We were told to commit and scale up as fast as possible. If not, we will be left behind. But no matter how much you have improve, you just seemed to be improving a little and not enough and were told you need much more improvements to meet the demand. Then, there were the sharing of problems where others who did not commit and perform, breaking the spirit of teamwork. Then, you would have been told you are not matured enough and not experienced enough to dream or venture out of your comfort zone.

And, in relationship, you just cannot be naive and trustful because that will make you vulnerable. You are not to expect love to be long lasting. That's where the culture teach us to be more materialistic and logical in relationship. Emotion and Feeling is second priority.

I was clouded with negativity. Years after years, I did not realize I have my positive nature sucked out of me. I think, sometimes I did fight for something good. But it was tiring and sometimes I could be helpless. That's the price one have to pay for trying to go to fast and seldom stop to look, to appreciate the beautiful things around me. But it is never too late to realize and change.
Life is supposed to be fun. Work can be fun. Relationship can be selfless. We just need to build the culture. As Morrie said , "If the culture doesn't work, don't buy it".

Morrie touched on several topics , for which I am most proud to pen them down here. If you haven't read the book, I recommend you to do so. Let's learn from Morrie.

1. About the World
   
   The most important things in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love , we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levine said it right. He said, “Love is the only rational act.”
   

2. Feeling Sorry for Yourself
   
   Sometimes in the morning, That’s when I mourn. I feel around my body, I move my fingers and my hands – whenever I can still move – and I mourn what I’ve lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I’m dying. But then I stop mourning.
   I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life.
   It’s horrible to watch my body slowly wilt away to nothing. But it’s also wonderful because of all the time I get to say good-byes. Not everyone is so "lucky".

3. Regret
   
   The culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die. We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks – we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So, we don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying. Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?
   
   You need someone to probe you in that direction. It wont just happen automatically.
   
   We all need teachers in our lives.

4. Death
   
   Everyone knows they’re going to die but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently. So, we kid ourselves about death. But there’s a better approach. To know you’re going to die, and to be prepared for it at any time. That’s better. That way you can actually be more involved in your life while you‘re living.
   
   How can you ever be prepared to die?
   Do what Buddhist do. Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks ‘Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?’
   
   The truth is once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.
   
   But everyone knows someone who has died. Why is it so hard to think dying? Because most of us all walk around as if we’re sleepwalking. We really don’t experience the world fully, because we’re half-asleep, doing things we automatically thin we have to do.And facing death changes all that. You strip away all the stuffs and you focus on the essentials. When you realize you are going to die, you see everything much differently.
   
   We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don’t satisfy us. The loving relationship we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted.
   
   Learn how to die and you learn how to live.

5. Family
   
   The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure groung, upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family. Its become quite clear to me as I’ve been sick. If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get form a gamily , you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, “Love each other or perish”.
   
   And it’s so true. Without love, we are birds with broken wings.
   
   Say I was divorced, or living alone, or had no children. This disease – what I am going through – would be much harder. I’m not sure I could do it. Sure, people would come visit, friends, associates, but it’s not the same as having someone who will not leave. It’s not the same as having someone whom you know has an eye on you, is watching you the whole time.
   
   This is the part of what a family is about, not just love, but letting others know there’s someone who is watching out for them. It’s what I missed so much when my mother died – what I call your “spiritual security” – knowing that your family will be there watching out for you. Nothing else will give you that. Not money. Not fame. Not work.
   
   There is not experience like having children. There is no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children.

6. Emotions
   
   What I’m doing now is detaching myself from the experience.
   
   Detaching myself – important for just not someone like me, who is dying , but for someone like you, who is perfectly healthy. Learn to detach. You know what the Buddhists say? Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent.
   
   Detachment doesn’t mean you didn’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.
   
   Take any emotion – love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, of what I’m going though , fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions – if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them – you can ever get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief . You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.
   
   But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is. You know what love is. You know what grief is. And only then can you say, “All right. I have experienced that emotion. I recognize that emotion. Now I need to detach from that emotion for a moment. ”
   
   Same for loneliness: you let go, let the tears flow , feel it completely – but eventually be able to say, “All right, that was my moment with loneliness. I’m not afraid of feeling lonely, but now I’m going to put that loneliness aside, and know that they are other emotions in the world, and I’m going to experience them as well.”
   
   Detach.

7. Fear of aging
   
   Embrace aging. As you grow older, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty-two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were at twenty-tow. Aging is not just decay, you know. It’s growth. It’s more than the negative that you’re going to die, it’s also the positive that yu understand you’re going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.
   
   Why do people always say “Oh, if I were young again.” You never heard people said , “I wish I were sixty-five”.You know what that reflects? Unsatisfied lives. Unfulfilled lives. Lives that haven’t found meaning. Because if you’ve found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can’t wait until sixty-five.
   
   If you are always battling against getting older, you’re always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow. You have to find what’s good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive. And, age is not a competitive issue.

8. Money
   
   Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.
   
   If you’re trying to show off for the people at the top, forget it. They will look down at you anyhow. And if you’re trying to show off for the people at the bottom, forget it. They will only envy you. Status will get you nowhere. Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone.
   
   Do the kinds of things that come from the heart. When you do, you won’t be dissatisfied, you won’t be envious, you wont be longing for somebody else’s things. On the contrary, you’ll be overwhelmed with what comes back.

9. How Love Goes on
   
   I believe in being fully present. That means you should be with the person you’re with. When I’’m talking to you now, I try to keep focused only on what is going on between us. I am not thinking about something we said last week. I am not thinking about coming up this Friday. I am not thinking about doing another things.
   
   I am talking to you. I am thinking about you.
   
   "If we can remember the feeling of love we once had, we can die without ever going away."

10. Marriage
    
    There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage. If you don’t respect the other person, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don’t know how to compromise, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don’t have a common set of values in life, you’re gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.
    
    And the biggest one of those values – your belief in the importance of your marriage.
    
    Love each other or perish.

11. Our culture
    
    People are only mean when threatened and that’s what our culture does. That’s what our economy does. Even people who have jobs in our economy are threatened, because they worried about losing them. And when you get threatened, you start looking out only for yourself. You start making money a god. Is it all part of this culture.
    
    How you think, what we value – you must choose yourself. You cant let anyone or any society determine those for you.The biggest defect we human beings have is our shortsightedness. We don’t see what we could be. We should be looking at out potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can become.
    
    "If the culture doesn't work, don't buy it."

12. Forgiveness
    
    It’s not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn’t do. All the thongs we should have done. You can’t get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened. That doesn’t help you when you get where I am.
    
    I always wished I had written more books. I used to beat myself up over it. Now I see that never did any good. Make peace. You need to make peace with yourself and everyone around you.
    
    Forgive yourself. Forgive others.

13. Perfect Day
    
    If Morrie had one day perfectly healthy? Here was his answer.
    
    Let’s see… I’d get up in the morning, do my exercises, have a lovely breakfast of sweet rolls and tea, go for a swim, then have my friends come over for a nice lunch. I’d have them come one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their issues, talk about how much we mean to each other.Then I’d like to go for a walk, in a garden with some trees, watch their colors, watch their birds, take in the nature that I haven’t seen in so long now. In the evening, we’d all go together to a restaurant with some great pasta, maybe some duck – I love duck – and then we’d dance the rest of the night. I’d dnace with all the wonderful dance partners out there, until I was exhausted. And then I’d go home and have a deep , wonderful sleep?
    
    And here was Mitch's response.
    
    That’s it? It was so simple. So average. I was actually a little disappointed. I figured he’d fly to Italy or have lunch with the President or romp on the seashore or try every exotic thing he could think of. After all these months, lying there , unable to move a leg or a foot – how could he find perfection in such an average day?
    Then I realize this was the whole point.

Author's Note:
Have you ever really had a teacher? One who saw you as a raw but precious thing, a jewel that, with wisdom, could be polished to a proud shine? If you are lucky enough to find your way to such teachers, you will always find your way back. Sometimes it is only in your head. Sometimes It is right alongside their beds.

I wish I have a great coach like Morrie......

My final note: I knew a lot of people have read this book. But knowing what Morrie was trying to tell us is not enough. One have to know how to apply them in life. And one has to start now!

We can ask these questions everyday...
Have you found someone to share your heart with?
Are you giving to your community?
Are you at peace with yourself?
Are you trying to be as human as you can be?

Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood

How many times have you start talking or giving your opinions before the other persons finish their talks? How many times have you start to tell people your points when you should in fact listen and understand what others are trying to tell you?
"Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood" is Habit #5 from the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People from Steven Covey.

This habit is about wanting to experience something new from the other person, wanting to discover a new way of seeing the world, wanting to truly stand in the other’s shoes and feel their unique pain and their unique joy.

I was watching The Apprentice (a replay) the other night. If you do not know the show - it is a famous reality show featuring a bunch of highly successful and competitive candidates that are competing to be Donald Trump's apprentice. In one of the episode, there was this team member who tried to force her ideas to others and seemed too bossy for the other team members to endure. She became a hindrance to the team and was kicked out. Before that, she seek an opinion from a wise team member (he would eventually won the Apprentice) . The would-be winner told her that he thought all the members in the team had one problem - they cannot communicate well because everyone did more talking than listening. He then quoted "Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood".

I thought he was really cool at that moment. For one reason , what he said was really right. For another reason, he said it in a non-confrontational way. The rest of the team members may most probably say "Yes, you boss everyone around and you are just too bossy. Everyone feels that". And what will be the response of the woman, who was being told flat in her face that everybody hates here and wants to back stab her? Denial? Anger? I would said both.

When you watch a group of people interacting, you will quickly notice at most time, people are either talking too much or not trying to understand what are being said. Some shut down other people ideas without really thinking them through. Some do not have the patience to listen to others. Some just make their own assumptions and never bother to ask and understand.

The key to good communication- Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood


Ririan in his blog entry, mentioned this:

When another person is speaking, we usually “listen” at one of four levels: ignoring, pretending, selective listening, or attentive listening. We should be using the fifth, highest form of listening - empathic listening.

Empathic listening is listening with intent to understand the other person’s frame of reference and feelings. You must listen with your ears, your eyes and your heart. Empathic listening is a tremendous deposit into the emotional bank account. It’s deeply therapeutic and healing because it gives a person “psychological air.”

Stephen Covey also has a warning to us in his book about this kind of emphatic listening:

Do not even start doing this kind of stuff unless you are truly sincere about wanting to understand what the other is saying

Common mistakes that we or others frequently do:

- My idea is better than theirs.
- If I don’t interrupt them, I will never get to say my idea.
- I know what they are about to say.
- They don’t need to finish their thoughts since mine is an improvement.
- Nothing about their idea will improve with further development.
- I am more important than they are.
- It is more important for me to be seen to have a good idea than it is for me to be sure they complete their thought.
- Interrupting them will save time.

Finally, here are suggested two exercises we should try:

Practice Empathetic Listening
Find a person with whom you have a genuine disagreement (e.g. the American presence in Iraq, religion, “you don’t do the dishes enough,” “you shouldn’t act that way”), and practice empathetic listening. The goal is for each person to be able to describe the other’s position well enough for him to say, “yes, that is what I mean”. You don’t have to AGREE with his position, but you have to be able to state it in words such that he agrees that is his position on the matter.

Identify Situations in Which You Offer People Your Glasses
Identify situations in which you give other people “unfounded advice”. Did they really want advice? Do you understand their situation fully, i.e. do you understand how it is different than the situations in which you have experience? Does your advice still apply? In the situations that you identify, how could you respond differently?

Google Rocks

I finished reading The Google Story in a short 2 weeks times in May. This is the only non-fiction book that I felt like reading a fictional story. And I was thrilled and excited throughout the story.

After reading the book, I really admire Google very much, especially its founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin. In fact, I admire them so much I felt compelled to blog about the reasons why:

• They always strive to do goods with motto “Don’t Be Evil”.
  If you cannot imagine how much this has inspired me, you can check through my blog and see how much I quoted this motto and how much I blogged on issues of evilness. :)
  

• They have a health disregard of the impossible.
  In one of the case way back before Google was born, Larry Page started with a crazy idea that he was going to download the entire Web onto his computer in a week. After about a year or so, he only had some portion of it.

• Greatest partnership I ever seen– Larry and Sergey remained as a best partner, complementing each other with Larry focusing on technology, while Sergey focusing on product, people and procedures.

• Energy and curiosity to questions everything. That's the traits that make them give birth to Google.
  

• Making mistakes and fearless – when they launched Gmail, they received a lot of opposition from different parties. They have miscalculated the response of the public. But they still went ahead, anyway. Fearless duo!
  

• Encouraging Innovation - they allow Googlers to spend 20% of their time on projects that interest them and exploring new things. That is 1 out of 5 working days. I will be very happy to work 4 days a week! :)
  

• Have fun while working - they know how to turn their workplace into a sort of playground and great home.
  

• Find different ways to reward their employees – Googlers has the joy to enjoy great food of a great chef, Free Movie Tickets for Star Wars (in fact, Google booked the whole cinema down the street), Free Branded Ice-Cream (that was when they celebrated when Google went IPO)
  

• They play by their own rule – They even changed the culture during the IPO period, by limiting the profits gained by the middle parties which there is no reason they deserve so much gains. It was so just because of some inefficient bureaucracy.
  They really go beyond conventional!
  

• Big,compelling vision . They think very hard on long term and they focus very much on long-term benefit rather than reap the short-term gain.
  

• They are opened and crazy about arguing.
  

• They try to remain in control, even when Eric Schmidt was hired as the company CEO. In fact, it is dictated the company have to get the majority votes from the trio in making big decisions. That's mean Larry and Sergey (together) are pretty much in control.

• Best Marketing Strategy - Google become popular with only relying on WOM (Word-of-Mouth). Cheapest way too ! No big ads or marketing funds!
  

• They always reinvent themselves - with Google Map, Google Earth, Google Books and of course Google Genes? I very much anticipate their next invention.
  

• They were young and brazen when they became successful. Again, it proves this right - don't give a hell to those people who tell you are not matured enough to do or decide on something!
  

• Google Current market share is ever rising- valued at almost $490 now , $85 on 2004. Microsoft is $30 per share. And ExxonMobil, the most profitable company is at $82

• Secret and Surprise - they always keep secret on their products and , of course , their recipes to search. And they continuously surprise people with their great products! (except the bad surprise of the Gmail, but is a surprise, anyway. :) )
  
  
• Teamwork. They promote the culture where the employees discuss with each other on their little projects or new discovery.
  

• Focus on Hiring the Best.
  
  One remark in the book is funny! "It seems like Microsoft is the hiring agency of Google." That was when Google is trying to snatch (should say, attract) away the talented people from Microsoft.
  

• Equal opportunities in hiring and other stuffs.
  During their IPO, they offer equal opportunities to all investors to bid on their shares through a bidding system they developed themselves. This is most unconventional as Wall Street practice is to give priorities to premium investors.
  
  Hiring: Found the text below in their ads for hiring.
  Google is an Equal Employment Opportunity/Affirmative Action Employer
  
  To all recruitment agencies: Google does not accept agency resumes. Please do not forward resumes to our jobs alias, Google employees or any other company location. Google is not responsible for any fees related to unsolicited resumes.
  
  Most of all, there is no special treatment given to a particular page to affect its rating in the search result. For e.g. since I said so much good things about Google here, one cannot expect my blog to have high ranking when you search for "Google". :)
  

• The greatest mathematician and computer science geeks - they even used some mathematics concept to decide how much shares to offer at the IPO. Though they are geeks, they are quite OK socially and also they applied Warren Buffet's teaching during their IPO.
  

• Quirky corporate culture - that makes working at Google even more special and fun. I remembered reading some responses on those people who visited Google. Some good, some bad (for those who are more conventional). Mostly good, of course.
  
  
• They are the new dictionary - they created new and popular words like Google, Googleplex, Googlers, and a lot of words.
  
  After reading the book and searching more stuffs for this post, I took a Google quiz in Fortune magazine and here is what I got:
  Yikes, you've got a lot to learn. Don't quit your current job. (OK, I won't. Thanks for letting me know. LOL)
  

I am so inspired!