Saturday, 28 August 2010

9 reasons why girls fall for Edward Cullen

It is always fun talking about Twilight series and particularly Edward Cullen with my girlfriends. The excitement and vibes just make us feel younger.

And of course, Ayuen, you are not alone. Furthermore after the meeting, BI posted a photo and tagged us girls on Facebook. Let me clarify – it is a photo of Edward Cullen posing half-naked and none of us girls are in the photo. (To BI: I do not think that is how the tag is designed to works. I am expecting I am somewhere there behind Edward in the photo..hehe). And Ayuen talked about the big possibility that I will be drooling over the picture. I am.

But really, I am actually more infatuated with Edward Cullen’s character. But with Robert Pattinson being so gorgeous, it just creates the drooling effect. So I decided to write a fun post today about why girls fall for Edward Cullen (a break from my more solemn writings nowadays on my breakup).

I also want to understand myself what are the reasons why girls fall for Edward Cullen; despite he is sexy and gorgeous, is a vampire as well as have super powers. We all know the character is fictional, but there are a lot of reasons why girls desire Edward. So, Stephanie Meyer’s success is largely attributed to her ability to bring out that special character for us!

So, here are the reasons why girls fall for Edward with comparisons of Edward’s world with our real world :


1. Edward created a world for just him and Bella.

No Twilight-lovers will forget the scene where Edward carried Bella to climb up the tallest tree to view the extraordinarily breathtaking scene. Bella gasped “This isn't real. This kind of stuff just doesn't exist” and Edward replied “And it does in my world”. And then they spent time talking and hanging out “on the tree”. The world at that moment belongs just to them. How romantic is that?

Edward always gives his full attention to Bella when they are alone and sometimes even when they are not alone. Compared to our real world, people are constantly hooked on their phones /gadgets/ computers and seldom give full attention to their partners. Very often, Edward talks to Bella in her room until she falls asleep. He also holds her when she sleeps and he watches her all the time. This seems a bit creepy especially with the strange fact that Edward never sleeps, thus have all the times for Bella. But, the point is to pay full attention to your partner when you spend times together, no matter how little times are that. Create some quality times!


2. Edward is protective, but not up to the point of being too controlling.

In Eclipse movie, when Edward and Bella reached their school and Edward knew Jacob was waiting for Bella there, he asked Bella “If I asked you to stay in the car would you?” Before he even finished, Bella rushed out of the car and Edward finished with “.......Of course not.”

See, he asked her instead of telling her what to do and he did not even get mad when Bella ignored him. That’s protective without being controlling, I guess.

In the book, Edward also constantly asked Bella to keep herself safe. But most of the times, Bella just went about being just like her own self – prone to dangers and mistakes. Edward never blamed that on Bella. In the book, he pleaded “Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I’ll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help.”

Well, Edward can be controlling at times. Especially in Twilight, Edward followed Bella to Post Angeles and managed to save her from a potential rape or murder. I think that is called stalking and I disapprove of it, though I do not mind and actually like that in the movie.

But I think Edward’s controlling behaviour decreases over times, especially after he left Bella in “New Moon” with the intention to keep her safe. Instead, he exposed her to the danger of acting foolish and also revenge from Victoria. I think at that point, he realized that he could not really control what could happen to Bella all the times, so he just have to trust her and trust her judgement.


3. Edward’s meekness is sweet.

In Twilight, Bella asked Edward what music he listened to and hit the play button. Edward answered awkwardly to the music being played, “Debussy...I don’t know.” His meekness and uncertainties at that time is very lovable.

In the real world, sometimes we will find people try their hardest to impress by bragging how much they know, how many great things they have done and what good taste they have by exhibiting their designer clothes, expensive gadgets, etc.

Even though Edward has special powers and is a vampire, he thinks himself as a monster and a person who lost his soul. This is a bit depressing sometimes but I guess it is because he scrutinizes himself more than he scrutinizes Bella and others – a simply great virtue.

Some people perceive meekness as being soft or weak. From a word of a British monk and spiritual teacher - Meekness in itself is nothing else than a true knowing and feeling of a man’s self as he is. Any man who truly sees and feels himself as he is must surely be meek indeed.


4. Edward always watches and controls his own reaction to Bella.

This is related to the previous reason. For one to truly love, they must continually task themselves to self-scrutiny, which is the essence of humility or meekness.

Edward is almost never really mad at Bella, whatever she does. The irony of wanting her blood so much make him knows that, if he loses an inch of control, he may end up killing her. Thus, I find Edward’s control is really self-sacrificing and a humongous effort on this part to be near Bella but never lost control. In the book, we can hear him said to Bella “I can't ever lose control with you.”

He also said: “Will you please tell me what you’re thinking? BEFORE I go mad?” Even in this situation, I think he is saying he is mad at himself rather than mad at Bella.


5. Edward always tune in to Bella’s thoughts and feeling.

The fact that he can read everybody’s mind except Bella’s makes Edward try harder than anything to tune in to Bella’s thoughts and feeling. Because of this, he keeps asking how Bella is feeling and what she is thinking.

This might be uncommon with most of the guys – who seldom really ask their partner how they are feeling and thinking about things but instead “try to read” (NO, they do not have power like Edwards to read into people minds) and assume. Most of the times, they assume wrongly – that’s why the saying that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is validated over and over again.

In the movie or book, he also always asked Bella “Are you afraid of me?” He asked when Bella knew he is a vampire and he asked that when he killed Victoria by dismembering her in front of Bella. You can sense his genuine concerns when he asked that. He seems to care so much about what Bella feels about him.

Edward said in the book - “Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need… You are my first priority.”


6. Edward never trumps on Bella’s awkwardness, instead he shows his admiration.

When Edward told Bella that he can read minds:
Bella: Is there something wrong with me?
Edward: See... I tell you I can read minds and you think there's something wrong with you?

In other case, Bella is worried about how Edward’s family will perceive her. Edward responded “So you're worried, not because you'll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won't approve of you?” and he laughed.

As I blog earlier, it is so common for people to set standards and judge you on that.


7. Edward is very understanding despite his jealousy.

He is not even holding grudge against Jacob, his love enemy because he understand that Jacob has the right to love Bella. Bella also has the right to hang out with Jacob because Jacob is her friend and he was there for her when Edward left her.
Edward said to Jacob. “If we weren’t natural enemies, and you weren’t trying to steal my reason for existing, I might like you.”

And Edward’s reaction toward Bella and Jacob kissing in Eclipse - astonishing! I do not think any guys can act like him and that’s why guys hate Twilight!

When Edward knew Bella might be mad at him for something he has done, he said to Bella. “Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I’ll understand.” This seems like a great way to earn forgiveness fast– not pushy but be understanding.


8. Edward is willing to admit he is wrong - sincerely.

I live with people who think “My way or no way!”. Thus, when Edwards genuinely admit he is wrong in the following words (in the book), it is simply amazing!
We’re doing this your way. Because my way doesn’t work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I’ve done. I’ve clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what’s best for you, though it’s only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don’t trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong.


9. Edward is hard on his own faults rather than others.

I think this is almost similar with the reason Edward being meek. But I want to make a distinction here. Edward is less forgiving to his own self compared towards others and this is simply such a great virtue.

In the real world, this is usually reversed. People forgive their own selves quickly but hold grudges against other people’s mistakes for a very long time. In fact, some live in the world, pushing all responsibilities and blames to others.

Edward admitted to Bella “I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you. Not if I live a hundred thousand years.”

Edward not only realizes his errors and is harsh on himself, but he also know and willing to bear the consequences. This is one of his quotes in the book:

When I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark — on both of you. I’m not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can’t blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn’t let me escape the consequences.


Girls,
Any other reasons you love Edward Cullen? I will love to hear from you.

Friday, 20 August 2010

How do you define the purpose and function of your love partner?

My ex said:
The purpose and function of my woman is to keep our house clean and tidy as well as keep me well fed with home-cooked meals. Those are the only 2 things I demand and there is strictly no negotiation.

These were reasonable demands except for me; it was really like asking me to climb a tree with one arm. It was clearly disastrous!

Then we spent a lot of times pondering why I failed when most women can do these well with ease.

There were a train of reasons:
I was pampered too much before. It was really easy to fall back to my old bad habits. I always forgot here and there. I was busy. I was lazy to change. I just did not put my heart and soul to it. I just did not care enough for him to change.

It was already stressful for me to try to live up to a standard that I was so bad to start with. But with all these speculations on why I was so awkward compared to other women, it really flushed down my self-esteem to the drain. All of these left a huge strain to our relationship.

Nevertheless, I also realized it was for my own good to learn those skills. I used to think the solution to my problem was to hire a maid. But, we were then talking about the basic survival. Without any help from other people, I need to be able to take care of myself and my family.

So, with much perseverance, I got much better.

It solved a lot of our problems.

But then, there were MANY other problems with us.

For him, the problems are mostly with me.

For me, he is the one who create a lot of problems because he likes to find problems with me.

I have to admit I do have a lot of problems. But I have tried my hardest to improve. If trying the hardest is not enough, then I got to accept that things were not working out. With due respect, I am glad I have given it many tries and I am forever thankful to him for making me become better in a lot of things. Eventually, I have to accept who I am and get on with my life. It took a lot of heartaches and I kept wondering why our relationship could not work out even though I put all my heart on it.

Then, unexpectedly when I was not really looking for answers, I found them. It provides a profound realization and another perspective to what he asked of me and why I always seemed to fail him.

In his book “The road less travelled”, Dr. Scott Peck heard one man of the couples group stated that the purpose and function of his wife is keep their house neat and keep him well fed. He was aghast by that statement and he called it blatant male chauvinism.

What surprised him was most people gave similar answers to the “purpose and statement” of their partners. They define the purpose and function of their wives or husbands in reference to themselves and fail to perceive that their own mates might have an existence basically separate from their own or any kind of destiny apart from their marriage.

He said “it’s no wonder that you are all having difficulties in your marriages, and you’ll continue to have difficulties until you come to recognize that each of you has your own separate destiny to fulfil.” I cannot agree more.

He then proceeded to declare the purpose of his wife, Lily - is to grow to be the most of which she is capable, not for my benefit but for her own and to the glory of God.

I could not believe how different it was between Dr. Scott's views against the one that was set upon me before. I felt a lot of anguish for being coerced and measured against some criteria set by someone who declared his love for me. I could not stop crying for a while because I realized then with all the soul, I have a deep desire to have my loved one define my purpose and function is to grow to be the most which I am capable, not for anyone benefit but for my own and to the glory of God.

Someone who realize that each of us have separate destiny to fulfill.

Image Courtesy of iStockphoto.com

Monday, 2 August 2010

My Life over Coffee

The woman on the table next to me was sitting so close that I could smell her shampoo. When she stroked her hair with her hand a few times, I wish silently she does not have dandruff.

My favorite coffee place was very packed. But taking great delights in my coffee and typing away at my keyboards, I could care less about hogging my seat for 5 hours now.

These are moments I spend times to do the things I like. Actually, nothing much in particular – just spends times with Susan.

Yes, that’s me.

Myself.

Despite the noisy and crowded environment, I am oblivious to things around me. Only my computer, my book and coffee got most of my attention.

Occasionally, I glance at some women and take note of their hair styles and dresses, trying to be some kinds of fashion police.

I notice one woman in a black and tightly-clad dress, which makes her looks too thin. Another woman has a beaded hair. She is pretty but I think her hair style is a mistake. Then I notice a lot of women’s eyes with heavy mascaras. It makes me wish I am wearing it like them, except I am just too lazy to do makeup.

This is funny though. My fashion sense has always been below average but it is so easy for me to judge others.

I was surfing the net just now until the Wi-Fi Connection became unavailable an hour ago.

While surfing, I managed to read some blogs, check my emails, access Facebook. Recently a friend from Denmark, whom I befriended in the chat room more than 15 years ago, suddenly got back in touch with me.

After 15 years?

Surprisingly! But it was back at the time, when mIRC is the most popular chat software. I also read few pages of the book I brought along.

Seriously, I cannot be without a book everywhere I go!

I text-ed my good friend just now to ask her out for dinner next week and we confirmed on Tuesday. My parents called to ask me something about giving away my brother’s old computer.


This is my typical weekend when I am not going out with friends or doing something useful with my time.

This is the “quiet” time for me to write and reflect on things around me.

My life has been series of new discoveries now.

On Friday last week, I waited for the train for an hour only to get stuck when it broke down just few minutes after taking off from the station. I was trapped in darkness with hundreds of people. It was stuffy. Luckily the doors could be pried open and a few people got out from the train. I only discovered then that the train is actually quite high from the grounds. So, I did not feel necessarily for me to get outside as long as the air was flowing in. Some got impatient and walked back on the railroads. A dangerous move, I have to say. Accident happens all the times and having your body run over by a train is no funny business.

On Friday this week, I have a surprising finding which is very good news to me. It makes me feel an unexpected good turn of life – at the time when I am least expected it. I also almost lost my office laptop because I left it at the Mamak stalls but I was so lucky the store keeper managed to keep it for me. Another lucky , lucky break! Thank God!

Few weeks ago, I visited the Myanmar refugees and experienced a lot of things. And I managed to write about this.

Yesterday, I went for blood donation for the first time. (Yes, for first time, can you believe that?). And while I was having the blood sucked out of my body, a cameraman from one of the TV station decided to point his camera at me. Haha. I wonder whether I was going to be on TV.

And I also went together with my friend to take her dog to the dog clinic – also first time for me.

Next week, I am on something new too.

I think I am content with my life for the time being, despite my broken relationship.

It has been more than 3 months now. It is easy to be depressed or think of the things that make me sad. But I know that I have to keep moving forward. Think of positive things and let go. Forget the past and forgive.

People say the initial breakup period is like livings in a void, where we feel disorient and going on an emotion roller coaster.

But I know this is the important time of my life, because this is the time when I can reflect on my inner self to find wisdom in life.

I think I will miss this when this is over, no matter how hard it is now.