The 5 More Things I Discovered in Year 2010

Continuing from my earlier post on the things I discovered:

5. Minimal material possessions lead to simpler life.

Moving two times in one year, I discover I have very minimal material possessions. In fact, they can be fitted into a sedan. I consider this a blessing as I have successfully eliminated a lot of physical clutter in my life. It makes me feel tonnes lighter and happier.

I heard of these questions before:
Imagine your life is in a backpack. What do you want to put into the backpack and carry it with you all the times? A house? A car? Imagine how heavy your backpack can be? How sore your shoulder can be to carry a heavy backpack?

6. Attracting the Law of Attraction

I found joy in studying, practicing and sharing passionately with those I know on Law of Attraction. I even delivered my second Toastmaster speech on that. Because of my sharing, I was able to attract more knowledge on Law of Attraction. And I feel so lucky and happy these days as good things have been coming to me recently. And it continues to come.

This is probably the best thing that happened to me in 2010.

Quite a long while ago, I was exposed to Law of Attraction. But that was on a very small scale. I was also advised not to share my knowledge on Law of Attraction with others. The justification is that if others know it, they can use it to do evil things. Based on what I have learned recently, it is not really true. Because Law of Attraction doesn’t work that way. Our “desire” has to be aligned with our “inner self” or the “God” within us. And the “God” within us is good and pure. In fact, I believe that the world can be a better place if more people know and practice the Law of Attraction.

7. I am Switzerland.

I also learnt about the Art of Allowing from Abraham Hicks when learning about Law of Attraction. (http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/index.php)

In short, Art of Allowing is about letting people and situations be as they are, and making peace with yourself. This includes allowing other people to make their own choices (and live out the consequential experience of those choices) for themselves, knowing that your guidance is for you and only they can create for them.

One day, I was in the middle of a healthy argument of my two colleagues on their differing beliefs. Let’s call them Emily and Jonathan. Emily believes success can be achieved only through hard work and Jonathan believes success can come quite easily, without hard work.

When I was asked on my view, I chose to be a Switzerland. Personally, I think both beliefs are true, in a twisted way, for both of them. Because what one choose to believe is always true. So, if Emily believes success can be achieved only through hard work, she is right. Same for Jonathan. And I choose to allow them to make their own choices in their beliefs.

That’s why I am able to accept a lot of different and contradicting things in life. Most importantly, I accept and feel good about who I am, with my flaws, which make me a complete person. And also equally important is who I want to be.

8. It helps me to help others.

I was told something like this before:

You cannot help people if you yourself are not good enough. If you teach others, you will be teaching the wrong things and that is not helping them. If you give others what you barely have, you will suffer. When you suffer, you cannot continue to help others. Sometimes, you let people take too much advantage from you when you try to help. And they’ll step all over you.

Sound logical, right?

For a long while, I was convinced that I was not good enough. So, I refrained from giving advices or helping others. And, this got me into a downward spiral because when I stopped giving, I was not flowing with the nature of the life.

I discover that the more people I help, the happier I am. In fact, when I help others, it feels like I am helping myself, especially to move to the positive directions. I even managed to help lifted a few people when I was in a deep hole myself. The fact is because of that, I gained more energy to pull myself up from the hole I had fallen into (also with helps from friends and families).

I am neither virtuous (because I help people) nor selfish (because one reason is to make myself feel good). It is just something that align with my inner self and thus, I am just answering my own calling.

And, finally..............

9. I CAN LIVE THE LIFE I WANT!

The 4 Things I Discovered in Year 2010

2010 was definitely a dramatic year for me. But I've never felt so alive in my life before. The best part was I made great discoveries about life and myself. This could not be achieved if I did not invite Mr. Pain in my life. But now, it was gone, for good.

So, my journey to self discoveries began in 2010, when the world turned to a new decade.

And I am thankful to God for these:

1. I found Work-Life Balance

It feels great to know that I can be efficient in my job without spending too much overtimes at work. Sure, there were demands in my job like getting on teleconferences at night, working on a night shift occasionally and dealing with conflicts. But I have never had a job like my current one, which allows me to have ample personal times. This opens paths to many interesting things in my life now.

Work-life balance has always been something that seemed out of reach for me. But now that I have experienced it, I am truly thankful for it.

The most important thing is I am still competitive, thinking creatively and always finding ways to do better. For that, I think I can get a promotion for my continuous commitment to excellence. The fact is I am still working hard, but mostly to improve myself in a lot of different areas outside of works. But I think these have indirectly helped me in my job too.

In the book “A Class With Drucker: The Lost Lessons of the World's Greatest Management Teacher”, Peter Drucker was mentioned to encourage his students to develop expertise outside their fields to be effective managers.

2. It is good to keep things short and simple

Mark Twain wrote “If I Had More Time I Would Write a Shorter Letter”. I have been struggling for a long time to write and speak more concisely. It has been a quite a challenge, but I had a lot of practices when preparing Toastmaster speeches. I am forced into it, I would say, as I am only allowed to speak on a subject for 6 o 8 minutes, even though I want to cover far and wide.

So, what should I do?

I learn to cut down on a lot of things. I cut down non-essential things, and even sometimes essential things. Because no one can digest all the stuffs I want to throw out at them. So, I have to pick a few essential ones, make my points and make them strong.

Would you prefer slim and tone OR fat-filled content?

3. Silence is my virtue.

One morning when I was visiting a customer in his office, I accidentally SLAMMED my car door with my thumb in between while parking my car. (Yes, I always manage to do weird things to myself). In spite of the excruciating pain, I did not scream. I did not even utter a single word, not even a sigh. I calmly took a tissue out and wrapped it around my bleeding thumb. Blood spurt out fast and my thumb was getting more swollen by the seconds. But I went on to meet the customer. The only time anyone realized about my mishap was when I had to apologize for not being able to shake their hand. It was a funny and painful experience, but it is a solid case on how silent I can be.

If I was not complaining when my thumbs are throbbing and pain is sharp, I do not see any good reason to complain. In his famous book “How to Win Friends & Influence People”, Dale Carnegie shared a great message. “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive”, which means don’t criticize, condemn or complain. If you have nothing better to say, zip your mouth shut.

That's why silence can be a virtue. And I prefer to be with people who talk about positive things rather than people who complain all the times.

4. I am so over bad guys.

The world wonders why girls are always attracted to bad guy. I know I did and it is past tense now. Believe me, going what I have gone through, I am so OVER bad guys now.

In one of her interview, Kristen Stewart said one of the reasons why she got hook up with a bad guy is because she had this belief that she might just be the special one who can turn a bad guy into a good one. That is the attraction, albeit a fatal one. It turned out she could not (as expected) and so she suffered the consequences. Her view is so right at the point. I think she has learned her lesson. Looks at whom she is with now? Robert Pattinson, and he is the good guy type. (Yes, my Edward Cullen in Twilight world. LOL)

In another example:

In the TV series “Vampire Diaries”, two brothers fall for the same girl (Elena). There is the good brother (Stefan) and there is a bad brother (Damon). Apparently, in real life, Damon character has much more fans than Stefan’s. Look at this poll – Damon won by 80%! Why is that?

A lot of fans even hope Damon can win over Elena in the battle of affections. From Elena’s point of view, why would she want to hook up with a guy who attempted to kill her brother, just because he was in a bad mood and was provoked? (In fact, Damon did kill Elena’s brother, just that there was some super natural thingy that brought him back to life.).

Yes, Damon is sexy and fun, but Elena should not end up with him. No way! Stefan is loving, caring, respectful, kind, honest, committed and always there to support her. That is a long list of great virtues. And it is time good guys rule over bad guys, cause the latter are so outdated these days.

Alright, at least for me.

Toastmaster Speech 1: Learning through Life

Dear blog viewers,

I am back! Even better - I am happy, positive, healthy, slim, and even start taking better photo of myself. And I vow to update this blog more frequently. :) . Thus, I post the ice-breaker speech I have made in my Toastmaster club here.

Words in italics are those I have cut out from my speech due to limited time.

Ladies and gentlemen,

If I ask you to use one word to describe yourself, what will come out from you?

Yes, only 1 word.

Will it be - Happy? Sincere? Humorous? Grateful? Ambitious or Aggressive?

For me, the word is Passionate.

Ardent love, boundless enthusiasm, strong emotion, intense desire – they’re all tied with being passionate. Passions comes from our hearts. And, I believe our hearts are what drive us and create our fate!

I am passionate about many things, including my hobbies of reading; mountain hiking, scuba diving, traveling and I love beach vacations.

I also love cute guys and vampire movies. And when I have both, I am hopelessly addicted. Guess what - I am fan of Twilight and Vampire Diaries! Anyone here who does not know what is the “Twilight Saga” ? (Yes) It is a set of vampire-themed fantasy romance novels that are turned into movies. Stephanie Meyer, the author of Twilight, is actually one of my idols. I admire the fact she was able to create an intense love story and strong characters that millions of people love – all, with her writing. That is a great achievement. I love to be an author someday because I am passionate about writing too.

But on top of all those things, mostly, I am passionate about life itself and also learning through life. I think life is fascinating. Difficult at many times, but that makes it more fascinating. There are always so many things to learn. No one and nothing can stop us from learning.

I like this quote by Mahatma Ghandi "Live as if you are going to die tomorrow, learn as if you will live forever". Learning, in fact, is a lifelong mission.

I learnt a lot of things during my career.

I started working at the age of 20. At that time, I just completed my Diploma in Computer Science and I decided to pursue my Degree on part-time basis while working full-time. 6 years into my career, I was promoted from the position of Programmer to an IT Manager. I have 20 people reporting to me at that time and they provided the specimens for me to learn management. I was doing all sorts of things I like - Technical as in Programming, Design and Architecting, Product Management where I helped my company to create a product that generates 1 million recurring revenue for our company and turnaround from making losses to breaking even. Then, there are some Project Managements and most interestingly of all, People Management.

In people management, I learnt how to develop leaders, give raises and promotions, showing appreciation - believe me this is hard. And also in a awkward situation – to give feedback to my subordinate about his distinctive “body scent” – it was challenging but I like it when I am done with that.

8 years into my career, I decided on an important move in my life and life has been like a roll-coaster for me since. At one time, I would say I was at the lowest point in life.

I think life is very similar to mountain hiking. It takes a lot of energy and perseverance to hike up the mountain. But you know you will reach the top, and this always keep you going. I remember the first time I tried mountain hiking is at the 6th toughest mountain in Malaysia, Mt. Ledang. It was my first time and I had no idea what was it going to be. It was a 3 days, 2 nights hike. There were 7 members in the group and, and I was the only female member.

I remember the leader, one of my friends, asked me sceptically whether I was really sure to go for that. Being the weakest gender of the group, he kind of expects I would drag down the team. Turned out, I am much better than he thought. In fact, I think they are all amazed. I was racing third in the group, I never complaint and I never asked for a rest. When they ran, I ran.

When I reached the peak, there was this huge satisfaction. I guess that is why I love mountain hiking.

So, tying back my mountain hiking and my career when I decided to make the big decision to move, I can say - I was at one peak of the mountain, but I want to reach to the other higher peak of the mountain. To do that, I cannot just jump from one peak to another. I have to go down the mountain and climb the other peak. I had to let go of the thing I didn’t want before I could grab hold of the next thing.


I think I have reached the bottom, so I am actually starting the ascent. I think joining Toastmaster is one of the things that will help me in my ascent. I want to try new things and not afraid to take risk. I have made a lot of mistakes but I am not afraid to make some more. I am happy to be still learning and growing. That is most important.

When Steve Job, CEO of Apple Computer, delivered Stanford University commencement address in 2005, he said “You’ve got to find what you love”. And, he closed his speech with a message in 4 four words, which always resonate and stay with me.

“Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish”.

Thank you.
 

9 reasons why girls fall for Edward Cullen

It is always fun talking about Twilight series and particularly Edward Cullen with my girlfriends. The excitement and vibes just make us feel younger.

And of course, Ayuen, you are not alone. Furthermore after the meeting, BI posted a photo and tagged us girls on Facebook. Let me clarify – it is a photo of Edward Cullen posing half-naked and none of us girls are in the photo. (To BI: I do not think that is how the tag is designed to works. I am expecting I am somewhere there behind Edward in the photo..hehe). And Ayuen talked about the big possibility that I will be drooling over the picture. I am.

But really, I am actually more infatuated with Edward Cullen’s character. But with Robert Pattinson being so gorgeous, it just creates the drooling effect. So I decided to write a fun post today about why girls fall for Edward Cullen (a break from my more solemn writings nowadays on my breakup).

I also want to understand myself what are the reasons why girls fall for Edward Cullen; despite he is sexy and gorgeous, is a vampire as well as have super powers. We all know the character is fictional, but there are a lot of reasons why girls desire Edward. So, Stephanie Meyer’s success is largely attributed to her ability to bring out that special character for us!

So, here are the reasons why girls fall for Edward with comparisons of Edward’s world with our real world :


1. Edward created a world for just him and Bella.

No Twilight-lovers will forget the scene where Edward carried Bella to climb up the tallest tree to view the extraordinarily breathtaking scene. Bella gasped “This isn't real. This kind of stuff just doesn't exist” and Edward replied “And it does in my world”. And then they spent time talking and hanging out “on the tree”. The world at that moment belongs just to them. How romantic is that?

Edward always gives his full attention to Bella when they are alone and sometimes even when they are not alone. Compared to our real world, people are constantly hooked on their phones /gadgets/ computers and seldom give full attention to their partners. Very often, Edward talks to Bella in her room until she falls asleep. He also holds her when she sleeps and he watches her all the time. This seems a bit creepy especially with the strange fact that Edward never sleeps, thus have all the times for Bella. But, the point is to pay full attention to your partner when you spend times together, no matter how little times are that. Create some quality times!


2. Edward is protective, but not up to the point of being too controlling.

In Eclipse movie, when Edward and Bella reached their school and Edward knew Jacob was waiting for Bella there, he asked Bella “If I asked you to stay in the car would you?” Before he even finished, Bella rushed out of the car and Edward finished with “.......Of course not.”

See, he asked her instead of telling her what to do and he did not even get mad when Bella ignored him. That’s protective without being controlling, I guess.

In the book, Edward also constantly asked Bella to keep herself safe. But most of the times, Bella just went about being just like her own self – prone to dangers and mistakes. Edward never blamed that on Bella. In the book, he pleaded “Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I’ll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help.”

Well, Edward can be controlling at times. Especially in Twilight, Edward followed Bella to Post Angeles and managed to save her from a potential rape or murder. I think that is called stalking and I disapprove of it, though I do not mind and actually like that in the movie.

But I think Edward’s controlling behaviour decreases over times, especially after he left Bella in “New Moon” with the intention to keep her safe. Instead, he exposed her to the danger of acting foolish and also revenge from Victoria. I think at that point, he realized that he could not really control what could happen to Bella all the times, so he just have to trust her and trust her judgement.


3. Edward’s meekness is sweet.

In Twilight, Bella asked Edward what music he listened to and hit the play button. Edward answered awkwardly to the music being played, “Debussy...I don’t know.” His meekness and uncertainties at that time is very lovable.

In the real world, sometimes we will find people try their hardest to impress by bragging how much they know, how many great things they have done and what good taste they have by exhibiting their designer clothes, expensive gadgets, etc.

Even though Edward has special powers and is a vampire, he thinks himself as a monster and a person who lost his soul. This is a bit depressing sometimes but I guess it is because he scrutinizes himself more than he scrutinizes Bella and others – a simply great virtue.

Some people perceive meekness as being soft or weak. From a word of a British monk and spiritual teacher - Meekness in itself is nothing else than a true knowing and feeling of a man’s self as he is. Any man who truly sees and feels himself as he is must surely be meek indeed.


4. Edward always watches and controls his own reaction to Bella.

This is related to the previous reason. For one to truly love, they must continually task themselves to self-scrutiny, which is the essence of humility or meekness.

Edward is almost never really mad at Bella, whatever she does. The irony of wanting her blood so much make him knows that, if he loses an inch of control, he may end up killing her. Thus, I find Edward’s control is really self-sacrificing and a humongous effort on this part to be near Bella but never lost control. In the book, we can hear him said to Bella “I can't ever lose control with you.”

He also said: “Will you please tell me what you’re thinking? BEFORE I go mad?” Even in this situation, I think he is saying he is mad at himself rather than mad at Bella.


5. Edward always tune in to Bella’s thoughts and feeling.

The fact that he can read everybody’s mind except Bella’s makes Edward try harder than anything to tune in to Bella’s thoughts and feeling. Because of this, he keeps asking how Bella is feeling and what she is thinking.

This might be uncommon with most of the guys – who seldom really ask their partner how they are feeling and thinking about things but instead “try to read” (NO, they do not have power like Edwards to read into people minds) and assume. Most of the times, they assume wrongly – that’s why the saying that “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus” is validated over and over again.

In the movie or book, he also always asked Bella “Are you afraid of me?” He asked when Bella knew he is a vampire and he asked that when he killed Victoria by dismembering her in front of Bella. You can sense his genuine concerns when he asked that. He seems to care so much about what Bella feels about him.

Edward said in the book - “Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need… You are my first priority.”


6. Edward never trumps on Bella’s awkwardness, instead he shows his admiration.

When Edward told Bella that he can read minds:
Bella: Is there something wrong with me?
Edward: See... I tell you I can read minds and you think there's something wrong with you?

In other case, Bella is worried about how Edward’s family will perceive her. Edward responded “So you're worried, not because you'll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won't approve of you?” and he laughed.

As I blog earlier, it is so common for people to set standards and judge you on that.


7. Edward is very understanding despite his jealousy.

He is not even holding grudge against Jacob, his love enemy because he understand that Jacob has the right to love Bella. Bella also has the right to hang out with Jacob because Jacob is her friend and he was there for her when Edward left her.
Edward said to Jacob. “If we weren’t natural enemies, and you weren’t trying to steal my reason for existing, I might like you.”

And Edward’s reaction toward Bella and Jacob kissing in Eclipse - astonishing! I do not think any guys can act like him and that’s why guys hate Twilight!

When Edward knew Bella might be mad at him for something he has done, he said to Bella. “Shut your window if you want me to stay away tonight. I’ll understand.” This seems like a great way to earn forgiveness fast– not pushy but be understanding.


8. Edward is willing to admit he is wrong - sincerely.

I live with people who think “My way or no way!”. Thus, when Edwards genuinely admit he is wrong in the following words (in the book), it is simply amazing!
We’re doing this your way. Because my way doesn’t work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I’ve done. I’ve clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what’s best for you, though it’s only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don’t trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always wrong.


9. Edward is hard on his own faults rather than others.

I think this is almost similar with the reason Edward being meek. But I want to make a distinction here. Edward is less forgiving to his own self compared towards others and this is simply such a great virtue.

In the real world, this is usually reversed. People forgive their own selves quickly but hold grudges against other people’s mistakes for a very long time. In fact, some live in the world, pushing all responsibilities and blames to others.

Edward admitted to Bella “I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you. Not if I live a hundred thousand years.”

Edward not only realizes his errors and is harsh on himself, but he also know and willing to bear the consequences. This is one of his quotes in the book:

When I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding. Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark — on both of you. I’m not sure those kinds of stitches dissolve on their own. I can’t blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn’t let me escape the consequences.


Girls,
Any other reasons you love Edward Cullen? I will love to hear from you.

How do you define the purpose and function of your love partner?

My ex said:
The purpose and function of my woman is to keep our house clean and tidy as well as keep me well fed with home-cooked meals. Those are the only 2 things I demand and there is strictly no negotiation.

These were reasonable demands except for me; it was really like asking me to climb a tree with one arm. It was clearly disastrous!

Then we spent a lot of times pondering why I failed when most women can do these well with ease.

There were a train of reasons:
I was pampered too much before. It was really easy to fall back to my old bad habits. I always forgot here and there. I was busy. I was lazy to change. I just did not put my heart and soul to it. I just did not care enough for him to change.

It was already stressful for me to try to live up to a standard that I was so bad to start with. But with all these speculations on why I was so awkward compared to other women, it really flushed down my self-esteem to the drain. All of these left a huge strain to our relationship.

Nevertheless, I also realized it was for my own good to learn those skills. I used to think the solution to my problem was to hire a maid. But, we were then talking about the basic survival. Without any help from other people, I need to be able to take care of myself and my family.

So, with much perseverance, I got much better.

It solved a lot of our problems.

But then, there were MANY other problems with us.

For him, the problems are mostly with me.

For me, he is the one who create a lot of problems because he likes to find problems with me.

I have to admit I do have a lot of problems. But I have tried my hardest to improve. If trying the hardest is not enough, then I got to accept that things were not working out. With due respect, I am glad I have given it many tries and I am forever thankful to him for making me become better in a lot of things. Eventually, I have to accept who I am and get on with my life. It took a lot of heartaches and I kept wondering why our relationship could not work out even though I put all my heart on it.

Then, unexpectedly when I was not really looking for answers, I found them. It provides a profound realization and another perspective to what he asked of me and why I always seemed to fail him.

In his book “The road less travelled”, Dr. Scott Peck heard one man of the couples group stated that the purpose and function of his wife is keep their house neat and keep him well fed. He was aghast by that statement and he called it blatant male chauvinism.

What surprised him was most people gave similar answers to the “purpose and statement” of their partners. They define the purpose and function of their wives or husbands in reference to themselves and fail to perceive that their own mates might have an existence basically separate from their own or any kind of destiny apart from their marriage.

He said “it’s no wonder that you are all having difficulties in your marriages, and you’ll continue to have difficulties until you come to recognize that each of you has your own separate destiny to fulfil.” I cannot agree more.

He then proceeded to declare the purpose of his wife, Lily - is to grow to be the most of which she is capable, not for my benefit but for her own and to the glory of God.

I could not believe how different it was between Dr. Scott's views against the one that was set upon me before. I felt a lot of anguish for being coerced and measured against some criteria set by someone who declared his love for me. I could not stop crying for a while because I realized then with all the soul, I have a deep desire to have my loved one define my purpose and function is to grow to be the most which I am capable, not for anyone benefit but for my own and to the glory of God.

Someone who realize that each of us have separate destiny to fulfill.

Image Courtesy of iStockphoto.com

My Life over Coffee

The woman on the table next to me was sitting so close that I could smell her shampoo. When she stroked her hair with her hand a few times, I wish silently she does not have dandruff.

My favorite coffee place was very packed. But taking great delights in my coffee and typing away at my keyboards, I could care less about hogging my seat for 5 hours now.

These are moments I spend times to do the things I like. Actually, nothing much in particular – just spends times with Susan.

Yes, that’s me.

Myself.

Despite the noisy and crowded environment, I am oblivious to things around me. Only my computer, my book and coffee got most of my attention.

Occasionally, I glance at some women and take note of their hair styles and dresses, trying to be some kinds of fashion police.

I notice one woman in a black and tightly-clad dress, which makes her looks too thin. Another woman has a beaded hair. She is pretty but I think her hair style is a mistake. Then I notice a lot of women’s eyes with heavy mascaras. It makes me wish I am wearing it like them, except I am just too lazy to do makeup.

This is funny though. My fashion sense has always been below average but it is so easy for me to judge others.

I was surfing the net just now until the Wi-Fi Connection became unavailable an hour ago.

While surfing, I managed to read some blogs, check my emails, access Facebook. Recently a friend from Denmark, whom I befriended in the chat room more than 15 years ago, suddenly got back in touch with me.

After 15 years?

Surprisingly! But it was back at the time, when mIRC is the most popular chat software. I also read few pages of the book I brought along.

Seriously, I cannot be without a book everywhere I go!

I text-ed my good friend just now to ask her out for dinner next week and we confirmed on Tuesday. My parents called to ask me something about giving away my brother’s old computer.


This is my typical weekend when I am not going out with friends or doing something useful with my time.

This is the “quiet” time for me to write and reflect on things around me.

My life has been series of new discoveries now.

On Friday last week, I waited for the train for an hour only to get stuck when it broke down just few minutes after taking off from the station. I was trapped in darkness with hundreds of people. It was stuffy. Luckily the doors could be pried open and a few people got out from the train. I only discovered then that the train is actually quite high from the grounds. So, I did not feel necessarily for me to get outside as long as the air was flowing in. Some got impatient and walked back on the railroads. A dangerous move, I have to say. Accident happens all the times and having your body run over by a train is no funny business.

On Friday this week, I have a surprising finding which is very good news to me. It makes me feel an unexpected good turn of life – at the time when I am least expected it. I also almost lost my office laptop because I left it at the Mamak stalls but I was so lucky the store keeper managed to keep it for me. Another lucky , lucky break! Thank God!

Few weeks ago, I visited the Myanmar refugees and experienced a lot of things. And I managed to write about this.

Yesterday, I went for blood donation for the first time. (Yes, for first time, can you believe that?). And while I was having the blood sucked out of my body, a cameraman from one of the TV station decided to point his camera at me. Haha. I wonder whether I was going to be on TV.

And I also went together with my friend to take her dog to the dog clinic – also first time for me.

Next week, I am on something new too.

I think I am content with my life for the time being, despite my broken relationship.

It has been more than 3 months now. It is easy to be depressed or think of the things that make me sad. But I know that I have to keep moving forward. Think of positive things and let go. Forget the past and forgive.

People say the initial breakup period is like livings in a void, where we feel disorient and going on an emotion roller coaster.

But I know this is the important time of my life, because this is the time when I can reflect on my inner self to find wisdom in life.

I think I will miss this when this is over, no matter how hard it is now.

The life of Myanmar refugees

My wife is sick for 3 days but I only have RM50 on hands for all our expenses before the next pay day. How can I afford to send her to see doctor?

The local police and RELA keep extorting money from us instead of helping us. They tear up our UN identification papers, raid our house and do full body check on us to search for money. They take our money even if we are left with 50 cents. When will we be able to escape from their bullies and from losing our hard-earned money?

How long we have to stay here before UN can transport us to our permanent resident in US or Australia where we can really settle down? Some of us have waited for 5 years and some up to 10 years and there is still no news.

I can only work illegally when my boss calls me. Sometimes, it is only once, twice or none a week. If I do not have job, I cannot feed my wife and our kids. Will I have a job tomorrow or even next week?

Are my children and wife safe in our home country? I miss them so much but I know I cannot go back. The only way for us to be united is to bring them here. How do I find a big load of money to pay the agents to bring them here? Will they be able to escape from the army and survive the harsh journey to come here?

How does our future look like? When can we live without all these worries?



Every day, these kinds of thoughts haunt the group of 40 over Myanmar refugees who are staying in two small flat units at Jalan Imbi, at the capital centre in Malaysia. Their living condition is poor. They barely have enough fresh food and usually eat chicken bones with rice. Sickness visits them as regular as friends. Many of them, especially the women, lost few stones as both appetite and food quality deteriorates. For some men, their wives and children are thousands miles away and they live everyday with the risk of not able to see them ever again. For men with families, they fear they cannot provide for their wives and children. Hopes and dreams have deserted them for most of the times. Worries come like swarm of flies, uninvited and hard to drive away. Their everyday life is so uncertain and future holds no promise to them. It is like they have escaped from one hell, only to end up in another, so to speak.

Back in Myanmar, they were the oppressed group, whose half-century struggle for independence has made them particular targets of the military. Village raids, pillaging, murders, genocides, and rapes are not uncommon. Children are kidnapped and enlisted to the army, only to suffer beatings, starvation, brainwashing and being left to die. But leaving their home to come to Malaysia is not easy either. They went through painful struggles to adapt to the new environment where no one speaks their language except the few country fellowmen. And it is a point of no return because they will be shot to death if they go back. Even though they are lucky to be alive and away from the brutality in Myanmar, they are stripped of their total freedom in terms of their body, soul and spirit. It is like they have to go through failures and heartbreak almost every day, thinking but not knowing how their life would be. These scars of their emotional abuse run deep and wash away their feelings of self-worth.


Despite the harsh reality, they are not completely at lost. At the very least, I think they are blessed with 3 invaluable things:

1. First, their faith in God and Christianity is strong. They pray with remarkable intensity.
   
   
2. Second, there are at least some warm-hearted people who care about them -a group of generous Christians and a woman who has been looking after them for about 1 year now for 1 group and another group for few months. The woman is Madam Esther. She visits them twice a month and brings them rice, fresh vegetables, chickens, clothes, Vitamin C, medicine, games for the children- among other things. She teaches the women knitting and even buys them threads. When she learnt some have eyes infections, she bought eye drops and eye wash for them. She works hard to get enough funding to keep bringing these gifts to them. She sings with them, talks to all of them and encourage them to talk about things like what they are thankful for ("Thank you!" in Myanmar is "chei-zu tin-bar-te"), what they are feeling and what they hope for. She is even planning to bring all of them to the Zoo in this coming August. It will definitely be a fun day for all of them, especially the children.
   
   I say, most of all, she brings them love and hope.
   
   
3. So, the third blessing is also their love. Though they are deprived of many other things, they are not short of love to give. They love their families. They love and help each other.
   
   I hear of James who is already in United States. As he has a steady job and a home, he provides shelter and food for his fellowships, those who cannot get a job yet. I hear of an uncle in US who help to sponsor tenth of thousands to enable his brother’s families to be united in Malaysia.
   

No wonder Esther says she is the one who is blessed in her visit and not the other way around.
Esther explains this crucial fact to me - the most important mission of their cares is to help the refugees to restore dignities in their life. It is not just about bringing them food, but to be there for them constantly so that they know they have people who care about them and can be relied on.

It is a gratifying experience for me to be able to join Esther on the visit on Sunday, 13 July to get to know the life of the Myanmar refugees in the 2 flat units. I find them to have very mild and relaxing manner, even the men. They are also very courteous. They pulled out the chairs for us to sit while they all sat on the floor of the tidy living room. They offered to carry everything for us, even our own handbags. The women are pretty and slim; some are a bit thin because of sickness or loss of appetite. The women speak no other language except Burmese, but the men, most can speak good Malays. They learn it while working for the local bosses – a testimonial of their strong wills, adaptabilities and brightness.

The kids are also very bright and active. There are 3 kids who perform wonderful songs and dancing for us. They understand English quite well because they learn it at the school – a service provided by the NGOs. Unfortunately, I cannot remember most of their names, except for a boy names Solomon and the girl, whose name sounds between “Tracy” & “Crazy”. I still cannot figure out her exact name even though I have asked her to repeat more than twice. There is a small kid who smiles very often and he looks very adorable in his red-striped shirt and little brown vest. And then there is a kid who is born with bandy legs, but he walks swiftly everywhere, obliviously carefree of any impediment. I learnt this from his father, Peter, who is a pastor and also our translator. Then, there is also a teenage kid who is deaf but so smart and observant that he instinctively showed us the ways when we were at lost on which staircase to take to go up to their flat.

They all are really captivating.

I think and believe this. Though life is difficult, we can only sink so low but we won’t stay there forever. With even a little spirit and faith left, and most of the time, with helps from some generous people, we are going to rise up and have a future that we may never dream of. Not only we create a future for ourselves, but we also create a future for our children, so that they do not need to go through the same hardship we have been through. Even though we may not become rich, but we are in many ways, successful.

And every little piece of dignities that is restored lead to that. And, we should be reminded again – this is not only Esther’s mission but mission of God as well.

P/S: Esther will welcome funding from any generous people. Please contact me if you would like to contribute - I will introduce you to Esther.

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