Saturday, 24 August 2013

How to Stop Missing Your Ex

Your inane hand reaches out to the phone for a hundred times. No! Don’t call him! Your mind shouts at you. You realize you need a better deterrent …… besides breaking your phone. Filled with determination, you change his contact name to “Do Not Call !”. Ingenious, you tell yourself.
But you find yourself helplessly texting him later.  So, you change his contact to “Do Not Call or Text!”.
Then, there is another problem. He continues to pop into your head regularly. Sometimes it seems like he is peering through your skull, examining your brain like a doctor. Finally, you scream at him. “Get out of my head! Don’t you dare come without my permission!” . He answers innocently and impassively “Actually, I never ask to be here”. And you know that is very true. You do that to yourself. So, you resort to feeling stupid and out of control.
Maybe you have done nothing of that sort before. But I did ALL of those.  
Why is it so difficult to control your emotion and act sensibly when you are going through a breakup? It is like you are walking on the rope between 2 cliffs with no safety harness. You are not willing to fall and die, yet you know it is so easy to overthrow your balance. Keep walking! It is almost there to Safety! Your soul tells you. Yet, you cannot even see the finishing line. It is all cloudy and blurry. How long do I have to continue like this, you ask.
Until you can imagine you already reached the other cliff, the safe haven of joy. And feel like that too. Yes.
Imagine Your Future Healed Self!
Thus, I would like to share with you 2 personal recipes that I created to walk through that rope to the other cliff. I guarantee no falling and you’ll even enjoy the walk on the rope like you are walking on a beach!
1st Personal Recipe: 1-2 Year from now, this won’t matter that much as now.
I asked myself these series of questions in my mind.  I crafted these based on the NLP language pattern and these had helped me a lot to put me in a new perspective. But try this with care, as it messed up my mind a little last time, until I became much smarter.
What would it be like in the future, 1 to 2 years from now, when I have already gotten over the infatuation, that I no longer see him as my desired object, now in the future, as I look back and see what it was like to have had that problem of being so infatuated with him without any valid reason, as I think about it now.
Didn’t I have an infatuation before? And after 1 or 2 years I totally know it was actually an infatuation even though when I was in it, I did not know and thought it was love and he was the one?
Didn’t I ever break-up with someone and be totally fine after that?
I know I will get over the feeling soon. Why wait?
I will know one day in the future, I won’t see him or feel anything like I am feeling now? Why not put myself in the future now and look back?
Right now, as I am going to be in 1 or 2 years later, I am feeling completely neutral towards him.
I shall set myself free. And I set him free.
2nd Personal Recipe: When I am 80 years old, I know I’ll treasure the experience with him
I got this idea from the animation movie, Howl’s Moving Castle. (By the way, I absolutely, passionately, and fabulously love Studio Ghibli. Watching its movies was one of the most amazing things that I treasure in my life.)
In this movie, Sophie was turned into an 80-years-old woman by a spell cast by a witch. She was therefore forced to embark on a new journey to find the cure. Despite hunching, wobbling, wincing while walking through the tough journey, she found that at her age, there was nothing she could be afraid anymore. Sophie then met Howl, a very handsome guy whom she met once and was very attracted to. But accepting the fact that she was 80 years old, she did not even think about any mutual attraction. She then focused on doing what she needed to do to stay alive, find the cure and be as happy and normal as can be- that includes cleaning Howl’s castle, having a fun time with another lovely kid – cheekily but motherly and sitting by the beautiful lake, drinking tea. That was a very serene scene that I like the most. And she even became feistier – maybe that will happen when one does not care about other opinions.The story ended when she realized she really loved Howl and would do anything for him without hoping for any return. Maybe because of the unconditional love, she broke the curse and turned back to her own youthful self.
So, I imagined what would be like an 80-years-old like Sophie. It made me feel immediately, things that matter a lot to me now, will not matter so much when I am 80-years-old, and I will treasure the experience. I also know that when I am 80, I am going to look back at this heartbreak episode and laugh at myself so hard that all my teeth will come loose.
In fact, the 2 personal recipes I shared here not only work for your heartbreak, but it can work for anything else in your life when you are feeling  negative – sad, angry, foolish, etc… Try these out!

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